Greetings Friends:

Promoting the Double Standards brand has been a real challenge. You have web-site domain and content issues, tracks to record, videos, logos and graphics, the whole deal, plus of course playing the tunes. Can’t forget that. Gotta play the tunes.

Even getting pictures is a challenge. Who knew?

Here is an excerpt of one of my recent emails:

Dear Annie Leibovitz:

You are among the world’s most famous portrait photographers.

Your work with Rolling Stone magazine is legendary.

When you did that photo session with Lada Gaga at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards wearing the meat dress, you rocked my sometimes vegan world. Holy Cow what a shoot. You could almost smell the sirloin. By the way, could you smell the sirloin? I mean seriously, could you? You know, with the hot lights and everything, wasn’t that dress on some sort of a slow-cooker kind of simmer? Just wondering.

You are clearly very qualified.

But I have concerns about the outfit you insisted I wear for our photo session. I am not really sure that wearing a purple velvet tuxedo jacket on top of four-leaf-clover print boxer shorts while holding a Chinese made knock-off of Paul Stanley’s Kiss “Iceman” Guitar is the real me. Is that my true essence? Really? For a jazz thing?

And your proofs make me look so . . . so pale. And old. Well, oldish. And pale. Pasty even. And I am sure I have much more hair than your pictures show. I think I have more hair. I feel like I have more hair. I can just feel it deep down.

Can’t you try again and maybe make me look more, well, more, international? Less pasty, more international. How does Dos Equis get that scraggly “Most Interesting Man” guy to look so interesting? I am sure I am as interesting as that guy. Can you make me look more international and more interesting?

Also, do you know that dog photo guy William Wegman? With those cute Weimaraner dogs wearing funny raincoats and hats and glasses and stuff? They look like people. I love those dog pictures. Does he do human pictures? Maybe I should contact him. Do you know Wegman? Can you connect me?